From the Old Blog Archive

As social creatures, why is it that we love to be in other people’s business, but when it comes to facing our own, many of us are terrified? We are so scared of being responsible to ourselves that we’ve created all sorts of self avoidance mechanisms that divert our energy into the lives of others. Whether it comes from a place of a good intention or bad intention, the effort is there regardless.

A favorite and often acknowledged tactic unconsciously implies a false superiority by discussing the situations of others. Sometimes amusing, and not always with ill-intentions, this past time leaves us in a cloud of judgments or energy that’s not our own.

A less often realized, but equally present way is to latch our emotions on to a person because they have wronged us. We ignore the fact that its a situation we’re in and dwell on what a particular person did to us. It could be any number of things–a spouse who cheated on us, a parent or a teacher who told us we couldn’t do something, a friend who placed judgment on a situation of ours–in any case, it is certainly their fault. We say things that start with “you did this to me” or “you make me” without realizing that this automatically gives away our personal power. In these times of blame, we forget about ourselves even though it is when self recognition is needed the most. This comes as second nature because we’ve been conditioned that its easier to keep the focus on another person.

Whatever the protection mechanism, we tend to neglect one vital element: that we, as individuals, control how we choose to let the rest of the world in, and that what we choose to acknowledge directly relates to our presence and happiness. Of course we are placed in situations with others that seem negative or uncomfortable, but those are merely a test. An opportunity to step up and to see ourselves–to take a look at and realize how we feel. What feelings arise about the situation at hand? Anger? Sadness? Regret? Jealousy? Annoyance? And once those feelings are acknowledged as our own–rather than resisted as if an outside force–we can choose to release them through expression or mere recognition. After that, what sits behind them?

Its just might be you.